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October 2009

Here I am in the office... after a long weekend of rest...
What can I say.. i simply hate this office.. Ha.

No passion, no motivation, no nothing.
I learn to work smart now.

1) Never chiong for work
2) Act busy when only VIP around
3) Do things slowly. As slowly as possible.
4) Have to act pathetic, pile up with work, while you are not.
5) Be ONLY helpful when VIP, boss ard, only when necessary, otherwise, close both eyes.
6) Be more political.
7) Learn the art of tai chi~
8) Or maybe.. table make it as messy as possible.. means you are damn busy.

The important 8 points i have to try to make myself achieve it~!

i lost my enthusiasm in my work. No sense of belonging. No mood to talk. Dread morning waking for work. ONce reached office, wishing the time will be 6.20pm immediately.
Thanks to Mr.Teo surprise email to me today. Happy till my heart aches from missing him and cried, yearning for his presence beside me.

I need to overcome this. I cant be like this forever about this job. Haiz.

2009. Not a good start of my year.
I duno why i have been so easily tired out.... wonder isit physically or mentally..
i just wan to escape from everything. Maybe sleeping for long shld have help.

What happen to me. I fucking hell keep asking myself. I can just give myself a big cry. Go to bed. and tml will be fine. But why m i so fucking awake here!
i wanted to cry badly. but why i have grown not to cry easily, no matter how my heart is aching now.
Seriously, i know this is not me, and when is the actual old me coming back, or she's not coming back cos as time pass, as i grow older, the new me had overtake the old me.. and turn me to a devil cold cow.




I still need alot of time to know you.
Looking at you going through so many rough times.. i know i have to be there for u.. no matter wat...
I always wonder, am i a jinx to you. y is like all the worse scenorios can keep falling on you ever since i am with u...
But again, i know deeply, i am stupid without much knowledge or finance to help you, but i HAVE to stand by u.
But it seem like i am trying too hard. I tout i had give the 'respond'. but seem like you think its not. I thought that even i had no mood, i can just be on the another side of the phone hearing you out, it could have just be enough. i tout a listening ear shld have been just enough.
Ya, probably its me, who the hell ppl wan to hear a fucking monotone voice when u feel down. ya. who will?
i think i mess it up.. trying too hard.








ps: the more confident you're of yourself, the more stress i am having.

To find the Unicorn again we must unlearn old lessons, seek new paths to familiar destinations, stop and listen to guidance we have ceased to hear and look deep within ourselves for right answers.

Known as Xianz or Fanny. Born in 30th March. I strongly believe in karma. So be kind and generous to those who needs it. Learn to appreciate everyone before you start to regret any time. Love unicorn, they are special cause it represent my beloved Dad in heaven.

















































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