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Knock Knock. U there ?

I miss you.

I realise | start to reject the term "school". In the past, I only dislike them but now | start to reject them in my life. They seem meaningless to me, in my life. Poly appear more worst den my sec life. Polytechnic education are fake to me..
I feel like "restarting" my life. |m not thinking of commit suicide thou | cant really know bside tt how | can really "restart" my whole life. | realise | start my life into a very wrong path, | wish | could change it now all over again.. Back to my mummy womb or mayb never born b4 cos | find no aim for me to live at this planet..

ZY actually ans my quest of "WHO M I actually"... here's a part of our conversation:

ZY: you are fanny

Me: huh...

ZY: Till now, almost 20 years of living in this planet... I haven't find the REAL me yet.
WHO M I actually ? ?

Me: ....oh... fanny are just a name...

I wanted to ask him.. Do you know who are you actually? Wonder why you live at this part of the earth ? ? Have you found your REAL you ? ? But i stop myself. Scare to frighten him. Hurr hurr.

Bye.



I envy ppl who can express their feeling so easily on their face, without afraid of hiding anything. I have friends who no matter happy, sad or angry.. those expression you can easily find within their face. I tend to hate it cos you tend to make ppl ard you to get influence by just your mood, it just seem so selfish. But nw, I start to envy them. Selfishness start to win their way towards me. Wearing a mask everyday, its a real tiring job to have. Forcing yourself to smile / laugh when you are actually feelin sad / angry... as time get long.. you gonna get sick of it. Don't tell me to show my feelings out if im feeling tire cos | don't know how to. Or mayb selfishness are not winning to my way its just tt within some tiring part of me, Im tryin to seduce them towards me to be my excuse.



there's nothing left for me to do. im boring.. im broke.. i have nothing.

I m|ss u so much, dear|e...



I've been unusually tire lately.. Probably due to the hot weather and as well the nites I keep having dreams haunting me..

Today are great. Had lunch at Holland with Jo & Bee -- XO.Fish.Head.Noodle -- Shiok.. lub it ! ! Den proceed to Raffles City SC myself to meet up Ah.Jie coz she said she want to c me and gib me angbao b4 CNY end. Haa.. Anyway, its not for the angbao sake tt Im goin.. i simply miss those gangs alot!! Wen to our usual hangout plc and they had my fav-food --- tom yam~~ but i dn eat cos was damn full.. so my eyes was like keep watching them eat eat eat.. haa.. but i had great fun with them. Eunice, Cherence and Cindy are quiting soon.. left my poor ah jie alone.. haiz.. poor darling.. Will visit her more often den she won be bored...

Meet dearie and his fren, HongWei at RC SC. Ah.. den proceed to Suntec for movie. But Hong was meetin his fren so after awhile we get separated. but we are stil be watching the same movie -- Constantine. Its a not bad movie. "Rate it 3/5" Went to Chun Dao He Pan. Nth much to c.. but was at the "Joyous River" it was ard eveing so the sky and everything are nice~~ lub it..




I lub the scenery and the wave sound..

of coz.. wif my dearie bside me..


|ost my ez link and my admin card today ! ! ! sO suay. thInk don expect any hope that it will be returned ba.. i lost it at the market!! where a bunch of kiasu aunties and uncles who pick up n will treat it as their own or even gib their grandchildren to play with.. darn.. i have my 50 bucks in there. !! gOnna have to fork out $$ for replacement.. n so troublesome to change the sch admin card..



Gettin much better. Realise when Im outside my nose r much more better.. but the moment im at hm. the "leaking" situation start.. hmm.. mayb the air in my hs is not fresh .. hmm.. must be ! ! haa..

Went to JP with dearie today. Plan to watch movie.. but was expensive & i think is not worth at all to watch the "I Do I Do" on wkend.. and we keep argueing of which movie to watch. I wanted d "Hide & Seek while he wanted d "I Do I Do / Constantine " its a waste of money to watch "I Do I Do" at wkend.. yeah.. money is impt, cos both of us are BROKE ! ! Plan to save money.. but in d end went to buy stuff for my fei fei.. argh.. lucky 1.. she must noe to appreciate how much I dote her.. wahahaha...

tml gonna have another grp coming to my hs.. my mummy frendz. mUmmy gonna be busy again.. but i will b having nice food~~ but my stomach are giving problems.. & as well my darn nose~~.. STOP leaking will u ! ! !






Cant concentrate anything!! Damn..

Our High Tea @ RC Haagen Daz

See those black eyes we have. Darn.. all those MST fault!!




Day 1 of New Year : Nth much. Stayed at hm.
Day2 : Wen to grandma hs. Met up Dear and frends and stayed at Wilson hs overnight to gamble. Had arguement with Dear. Our 1st time in front of our frends.
Day 3: Slept the whole day. Tt how my friday passed in a split moment.
Day 4: Relatives coming to my hs for BBQ and "Lao Yu Sheng". Wake up early morning to help mum prepare. Was real tire but had fun.
Day 5 (today): Plan to study for my MSt later. Hope I can concentrate. Or else Im going to bring a empty brain to the exam hall tml.

Day 4 :
~*Eating*~

~*Gambling*~

~* DIY Rojak Buffet*~




~*Lao Yu Sheng*~ (Was in choas so phtos r blur)

"Bu Bu Gao ShenG" "Cai Yuan Kon Kon Lai" !!!


~*BBQ*~

Food~~




Warning!! Its gonna b a long blog.
Open Bk online mock exam this mornin. Bad result. Had 51/100 for the 1st attempt. No mood for the 2nd attempt. Den went for maths revision. Was totally "stone" at that period of time. Don really noe the reason why I had the sudden "stone" attack. My mind was blank. Not even KM & Alvin was able to make me luff.
Met Sar for lunch. Jo, Sheel, Sar and me EXCEPT tt Bee.. always so AS. Argh... Had our meal at Cine Cafe Cartel meal . Had a wonderful time. Gossiping, talking abt our sch life.. taking fotos.. almost everything. Feels great. Oh.. make me miz my times with my sec bitchy galz.. oh galz.. where are u all?? Den proceed to Far East, Jo & Sar are looking for shoes and jean repectively. Sheel left as halfway.. Sobz.. Den blah blah blah.. the usual shopping.. Din buy anything coz, Im totally BROKE. We left each other ard 6+pm. Board the wrong train. Hurr.. Anyway, had fun with the galz today.. I njoy myself beri muchie!!
Met Dear & JunGe at Clementi. Saw Fang.. still tt cute!! Den proceed to Funland and as usual c them play ID. Saw tt siao "Own Goal King" Haa.. I pity those ppl kana by him. Waste their time.. After awhile, den went KFC for our dinner. Had fun there. Laughter are always ard with this 2 guys. Den blah blah blah.. till 9+pm.. Dear and JunGe acc me til CCK. Geez.
Reach hm, Mum told me.. FeiFei ESCAPE frm the CAGE!! OMG~ tt notti feifei, luckily mum was quick enuff to realize and grab her back to the cage. And i realise.. tt fatty actually bite off the water bottle holder. Darn.. so how mi goin to plc tt water-bottle for her to drink. Argh. Now, im so worry tt she will escape out frm her cage agin in d middle of d nite. She is 1 intelligent fat hamster.
Not goin to celebrate CNY this year. Not goin to Dear hs this CNY. Not anywhere. Bt Im having a BBQ gathering at my hs wif my relative. Dear not participating it. Dear quite upset to hear tt im not goin to his hs tis yr. Im sorry, baobei.. this is a "special" year.. I have no mood in celebrating too. A year w/o my dad. Even thou how unclose we are, we still haf our reunion dinner TOGETHER w/o fail. This yr reunion dinner, its not d same anymore. Ever since he left us, I start to realize how much I really miss him, my daddy.

OUr 10 scoops Ice-cream ! !

Cheers! !

Me & Sar

Sheel, me, Sar (Jo not in pic~~~)


Dont ask me why i haf become like tt.. cos situation make me like tt.. cos things tt happen make me like tt.. In d past i can be perfect to you, everything I still can be able to take it.. but man, time get longer but yet nth is change but gettin worse.. I will be like tt.
Don compare me to the past. Im no longer the 100% same me. I change to love you more den ever, but the more i love, the hurts are deeper. Even slightest things you did are able to make me cry.. Im going crazy..
I always think, watever things im doing, i will think of will u be angry? Even toking with you, sometimes im afraid too. Scare suddenly a word out.. we will b arguing again. Sometimes i wonder, when i can haf a time to speak without any worries. Sometimes, its not the real me talking. Actually, i haf my temper, i wan to scold CB, fark la when im unhappy.. but in front of you, even how unhappy im.. i learn to control myself. I try my best not to say abt your frends, not to limit you on your frends, to let you haf your freedom on your frends n i will appreciate if u can do this to me too. Trust me more. Know my style of interacting with my frends. You been as my frend b4, dont you?




tml gonna haf 2 lab test. Damm.. fark.. stress~~

To find the Unicorn again we must unlearn old lessons, seek new paths to familiar destinations, stop and listen to guidance we have ceased to hear and look deep within ourselves for right answers.

Known as Xianz or Fanny. Born in 30th March. I strongly believe in karma. So be kind and generous to those who needs it. Learn to appreciate everyone before you start to regret any time. Love unicorn, they are special cause it represent my beloved Dad in heaven.

















































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**JunGe**



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